Personal info and location remain FOIA-redacted.
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WEYLAND-YUTANI CORPORATION
Building Better Worlds
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INTERNAL MEMORANDUM
Classification: Corporate Confidential Distribution: Restricted Subject: Cultural Conditioning Protocol Operation Codename: XENOMORPH WEEKEND
Participant: █████ █████ Location: █████████████████ Duration: 72 Hours
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CORPORATE OBJECTIVE
Expose participant to key Weyland-Yutani historical events, documented encounters, and adjacent cultural media relating to Xenomorph Organism XX121 and associated synthetic behavioral studies.
Secondary goal: maintain morale through controlled food intake and recreational simulations.
Reminder: The organism remains company property.
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DAY 1 — FRIDAY
PHASE 1: INITIAL CONTACT
10:00 — ORIENTATION MATERIAL
Read Aliens: Dead Orbit by James Stokoe.
Purpose: introduce claustrophobic operational conditions and confirm that space is a terrible place to be hunted.
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11:30 — INCIDENT REVIEW
Watch Alien (1979).
Case Study: Commercial towing vessel Nostromo.
Corporate Note:
Crew expendability protocols were functioning as designed.
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13:45 — NUTRITION BREAK
Acquire lunch from ████████████.
Recommended fuel profile:
• sub sandwich • burger • carbohydrates
Employees exposed to extraterrestrial organisms should remain well fed.
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14:30 — SIMULATED SURVIVAL TRAINING
Play Alien: Isolation.
Operational conditions:
• lights off • headphones on • maintain situational awareness
Corporate disclaimer:
Survival probability remains statistically low.
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18:00 — EVENING MEAL
Obtain pizza from ████████████.
Advantages:
• portable • minimal distraction • compatible with emergency evacuation procedures
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19:00 — INCIDENT DOCUMENTATION
View:
The Beast Within: The Making of Alien
This documentary reconstructs early corporate containment failures.
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20:00 — MILITARY RESPONSE REVIEW
Watch Aliens (1986).
Case Study:
Colonial Marine expedition LV-426.
Operational takeaway:
Large weapons are effective until they are not.
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22:30 — NIGHT OPERATIONS
Consume:
• popcorn • sour gummy worms (approved Chestburster Simulation Snacks)
Begin audiobook:
Alien: The Cold Forge — Alex White
This document demonstrates why corporate research facilities should probably not contain xenomorph eggs.
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DAY 2 — SATURDAY
PHASE 2: ENGINEER TECHNOLOGY
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10:00 — ANCIENT ORIGIN FILES
Watch Prometheus (2012).
Subjects covered:
• Engineer civilization • biological weapons • extremely bad expedition planning
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12:30 — BLACK GOO LUNCH
Acquire Asian takeout from ████████████.
Recommended items:
• udon noodles • beef and broccoli • heavy soy sauce
Dark sauce coloration approved for Black Pathogen Aesthetic Continuity.
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13:30 — SYNTHETIC PERFORMANCE REVIEW
Watch Alien: Covenant (2017).
Primary observation:
Android David demonstrates initiative well beyond acceptable limits.
Corporate recommendation:
Do not allow androids to study poetry unsupervised.
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16:00 — SYNTHETIC DEVELOPMENT PROGRAM
Watch Raised by Wolves (Episodes 1–3).
Key topics:
• android parenting • religious philosophy • extremely uncomfortable philosophical questions
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19:00 — PRIMARY DINNER EVENT
Prepare:
DECONSTRUCTED PHILLY CHEESESTEAK
Ingredients:
• shaved steak • grilled onions • peppers • melted provolone or cheese sauce
Prepared in skillet or bowl.
Corporate note:
Structural bun integrity deemed unnecessary.
Approved beverages:
• cola • coffee • stout beer
Designation: Black Goo Hydration Protocol
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20:00 — RECENT INCIDENT FILE
Watch Alien: Romulus (2024).
Operational characteristics:
• return to industrial horror environment • improved practical effects
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22:30 — TACTICAL SIMULATION
Play Aliens: Dark Descent.
Mission directive:
Keep Colonial Marines alive longer than historical precedent.
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DAY 3 — SUNDAY
PHASE 3: REPLICANT CASE FILES
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10:00 — CYBERPUNK FOUNDATION
Watch Blade Runner (Final Cut).
Corporate issue:
Replicants developing inconvenient levels of emotional awareness.
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12:30 — NOODLE BAR PROTOCOL
Consume ramen or pho from ████████████.
Recommended viewing atmosphere:
• dim lighting • rainy cyberpunk mood
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13:30 — FUTURE REPLICATION FILE
Watch Blade Runner 2049.
Topics of interest:
• artificial memory • identity stability • very large holograms
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16:30 — EXPANDED UNIVERSE BRIEFING
Read comic crossover:
Fire and Stone / Life and Death
These files connect:
Prometheus Alien Predator
into a single highly questionable corporate timeline.
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19:00 — FINAL DINNER
Prepare either:
• extremely large baked potato or • loaded fries
Corporate codename:
THE MARK WATNEY SPECIAL
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20:00 — FINAL FILM
Watch The Martian (2015).
Corporate note:
Refreshing example of space exploration not immediately becoming a disaster.
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22:30 — DECOMPRESSION PERIOD
Consume:
• neon candies • blue slushie
Complete Alien: The Cold Forge audiobook or conduct final Alien: Isolation survival attempt.
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FINAL CORPORATE ASSESSMENT
Subject completion status:
████████████████████████ MEDIA EXPOSURE COMPLETE PSYCHOLOGICAL CONDITION: STABLE XENOMORPH PARANOIA: ACCEPTABLE LEVEL
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WEYLAND-YUTANI REMINDER
“Crew expendable. The organism is priceless.”
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If you want, I can also make one more version that is absurdly funny:
“Colonial Marines Operational Weekend Briefing.”
It reads like a military op order where the movies are combat training exercises, and it’s honestly the funniest format of the three.